In describing what it is like to grow old, Malcolm Cowley, a U.S. literary critic and historian, once said, “Put cotton in your ears and pebbles in your shoes. Pull on rubber gloves. Smear Vasoline over your glasses, and there you have it: instant old age.” This description, while drastic, points out the truth: our bodies are imperfect. These imperfections, however, should not be quickly dismissed as unavoidable aspects of growing old. Many are treatable.
Moreover, these day-to-day ailments could be dramatically impacting your elder parent. Your father’s poor hearing may distance him from other people, his itchy skin may keep him awake at night, and his aching knees may prevent him from doing the things he enjoys.
Hearing loss, for example, is a problem suffered by more than one third of people over 60. Many times it goes untreated because poor hearing develops so gradually that the loss is almost imperceptible. Typically, a person does not call the doctor after suddenly realizing he cannot hear. Instead, he turns the television up a little louder, asks to have things repeated, and occasionally misunderstands a comment.
If your mother is saying “What?” a lot, urge her to have her hearing checked by a physician. Do not minimize her hearing loss as ‘old age’. She may have an ear infection, earwax, or another obstruction in her ears. When her loss cannot be treated, it can usually be helped by the use of a hearing aid.
In addition to insisting on a visit to their physician, you can do things to improve your communication with your parent who has poor hearing. The book “How to Care for Aging Parents” suggests the following:
- Sit or stand within three feet of your parent when talking to her (as opposed to yelling from the kitchen).
- Make eye contact. Get your parent’s attention and be sure she is looking at you (with her glasses on) before your begin to speak.
- Sit in the spotlight. There should be ample lighting and it should be aimed at you, the speaker.
- Speak clearly. Do not try to speak with your parent while you are eating or chewing gum.
- Do not shout. It can make your words more difficult to understand. Increase your volume slightly without raising your pitch.
- Use simple and direct sentences. Rephrase your sentence when you are asked to repeat it. Different words may be easier for your parent to understand.
- Introduce the subject matter before starting a conversation, “Dad, about Thanksgiving….” If you switch topics midway through a conversation, make that clear: “Okay, now let’s talk about…”
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