During my endless search for good books about seniors and senior-related issues, I recently discovered a delightful book written by a woman in her late 80s. In The Other Way Home: A Guide to Seniors Who Live with Their Children, Margaret Rodgers uses her personal experience of living with her grown children for over ten years to give light-hearted, practical tips to similarly-situated elders. Covering numerous topics such as letting go of material belongings, living with teenage grandchildren, money matters, and blending family traditions, Rodgers discusses the realities of this living arrangement and the difficulties that inevitably arise. She writes, “My goal is to share the wisdom I have acquired through my own experience with those of you who, like me, have been given the gift of living well into your golden years.”
In her book, Rodgers gives good suggestions to seniors contemplating a move. She urges seniors to talk with their children about financial issues before moving in. Who pays for on-going expenses, such as utilities, long distance phone calls, and food, must be discussed and resolved. Rodgers’ recommends seniors show a “willingness to pay your fair share.” If possible, the senior should pay their own personal expenses such as health insurance, medications, clothing, travel, and organizational memberships.
When working to blend with your adult child and his or her family, Rodgers says, “go with the flow.” Becoming part of a new family takes time, patience, and tolerance of all involved. Offer to assist around the house, for example, but do not be offended when it is refused. She says, “A lot of ‘tidying up’ will not be appreciated if you move things where they can’t be found…your actions may be interpreted as a sign that you do not think your children are capable of keeping things in order.”
In her chapter on teenage grandchildren, Rodgers admits she initially found it difficult to live with them. “I wanted to share in their lives, but often felt that they perceived my questions and comments as meddling or judgmental.” To make it work, she learned to give up trying to make them fit into her idea of who they should be. “We are not going to return to the world of yesterday, so that only leaves one option: hang on to your hat and enjoy the ride into their world of today.” Rodgers encourages the reader to recognize the opportunities these teenagers bring with them. She reminds us that most teenagers are technology experts, a “tremendous resource right under [your] nose.” What a chance to learn how to use a computer!
Despite being legally blind for over twelve years from macular degeneration, Rodgers believes you are never too old to do anything you want. The publishing of this book – her first – clearly shows she lives her belief. Rodgers now resides in an assisted-living residence in San Antonio, Texas…just a few miles from her children. Although happy where she is, she “would never have traded those years with her children.”
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