Every person will eventually die. While we know this is true, this knowledge does not make it easier when a loved one dies. Whether this death occurs suddenly from an accident or was long anticipated because of a terminal illness, grief is the inevitable reaction. Moreover, no matter how those around us try to help us with our grief, we must go through it alone. We are ultimately responsible for our own healing.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, in her work with dying patients, identified five stages of grief that define the path to acceptance: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. While these common stages can be found in almost all who grieve, each person experiences grief differently. These stages may not occur in sequential order or in equal degrees. Some stages may even be repeated before the work of grief is complete.
Although there is no fast cure for grief, it is something that does eventually heal. For this healing to take place, however, grief must be lived and suffered through. The person who remembers the memories (good and bad) will, in the end, heal from the injury of the loss. In her book, “On Death and Dying” Kubler-Ross writes, “Grief is ugly. The journey through it is excruciating. When people have worked through it, they will bear scars. But, they will also feel cleansed, unburdened and full of hope. For as strange as it may seem, people who travel the jagged road are almost always enriched. They are more realistic, more compassionate, more profoundly human.”
To heal the grief, Kubler-Ross encourages us to address and acknowledge our loss. Creating a memorial in honor of your loved one is one way to do this.
Memorials provide a place for those left behind to connect emotionally and spiritually with their loss. Taking many forms, memorials provide opportunities to honor a person and to make a statement about the impact that person has had on his or her family, community, or even the world.
Memorials surround us in Ardmore. Many of the engraved bricks lining downtown’s Main Street, for example, were given in memory of someone dear to us. Crosses on the side of the road, altar flowers at church, and donations to local charities serve as testaments of how much we gained from the lives of our loved ones…and how much we miss them.
At the Ardmore Village, many trees have been planted in memory of those we have loved. Additionally, two memorial gardens have been created to honor the memory of others. You can visit one of these memorial gardens during this weekend’s Garden Tour, put on by Ardmore’s Beautification Council. Come see the bench given in memory of a beloved father, the engraved marker honoring the life of a mother, and the fountain surrounded by flowers paid for by memorial donations.
The memorials around Ardmore show us that despite the grief suffered from our losses, we are able to continue living and eventually able to look back at memories with love.
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