When talking about movies with a friend of mine the other day, I was surprised to find out she had not seen a certain popular movie. She said, “Well, if a movie came out between the years 2002 and 2004, I didn’t see it. During those years my Mother lived with me. I was so focused on caring for her that I didn’t go out at all during that time.”
Being a caregiver for an aging parent who lives with you can be tough…especially if you have a full time job and children living with you too. When you are involved with parentcare, it sometimes means that taking care of yourself – the caregiver – is the last thing you have time for. But, caring for yourself needs to be a high priority. Now, when your energy and optimism may be taking a beating, it is more important than ever that you eat well, exercise, get plenty of rest, and have a social life.
In “How to Care for Aging Parents”, author Virginia Morris states that a caregiver’s social isolation is “one of the more serious side effects of parentcare and can lead to caregiver burnout.”
Morris recommends that you set aside time each day or at least once a week for yourself. Hobbies, sports, and getting out of your house for a movie or dinner are not frivolous pastimes. These things help you maintain your health and sanity. Morris offers suggestions for the caregiver of an aging parent:
- On a regular basis, leave your parent at home and get a companion or sitter to stay with him or her for a few hours. It may seem like an extravagance (‘Oh, I don’t really have to go out tonight’), but make yourself do it. Go do whatever it is that will help you clear your mind of your worries – even for brief time. This will allow you to regain balance and energy.
- Take time to read the morning paper or listen to the news. Stay abreast of what is happening in the world, in your community and with your friends.
- If your parent’s illness is a constant topic of conversation in your house, designate time for this topic to be “off limits.” For example, agree with your family ahead of time that during dinner tonight other topics will be discussed.
- No matter how hard it is to do, make time to treat yourself on a regular basis with something that brings you pleasure. Whether it is a long, hot bath, a dinner out or going to see a movie, this indulgence is necessary for your sanity.
Your parent’s care can easily consume your life. Before you know it, you are too busy for friends, distracted at work, and constantly trying to shake a cold. You think, “My Mother needs me. I don’t have time for myself right now.”
You must, however, step back, take a realistic look at the situation and draw boundaries for yourself. Determine what you can reasonably do for your parent and what you can not do. Setting limits will relieve some tension and stress. And, most importantly, you will have more patience and energy for those that need you.
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